I like circles

I like circles
Photo by Chaitanya Tvs / Unsplash

Hi, I'm Leon and left-handed. Nice to meet you!

Lately, I've been feeling free of the "fog" that has been my last life. My previous ways of thinking and doing. I'm rediscovering myself and loving who I really am or have just become. Either way, whatever it is, I'm loving it. Usually, only negative thoughts come to mind when self-reflecting. Nowadays, I'm forcing myself to look for things to love. To find love in my choices, thoughts, and even silent alone moments and love them out loud with as much expression as I’ve got. For instance, I've noticed I like circles! Not sure why but circles are my shape of choice.

In an interview once when asked how do I manage stress, I quickly replied, "well, I'm very meticulous, by the book. I just get things done. A to B to C, etc." That made the interviewers nervous, because who wants to hear that? They weren’t looking for someone uptight, so of course, I didn't get the job. Looking back on that question I realize I answered it with what I thought was the most truthful response. I took what others (folks who have no meaning, value, or stake in my present life) have said about me and declared it my truth. Frankly, that perspective is pretty limiting, and not to mention, that answer just doesn’t work in interviews. I didn't give completely different people the opportunity to react to my honest self. I told them what their reaction was going to be and based my reasoning on others. (Again, folks who have no meaning, value, or stake in my present life.)

I just gotta laugh because I see what I was doing. It's a great attempt. But I’m not so driven by schedules and points A to B to C, etc. It's a little hectic over here. I get fired up and ret ta go, then BOOM! I'll take tf off! Don’t get me wrong, I will write notes, create a plan and “cross it off the list as I pursue it.” That’s just not what drives me.

I believe in people enough to stop-drop and-roll for them. My mom would say, "you'd give your brother your left hand if he asked for it." She's right though, I'd do it. Pretty sure I'd still do it today. For things I believe in, I will figure out a plan, execute it, and all while striving to do so promptly. If we’re working together and you have worries or fear, I will soothingly seek out your pain points. Sometimes, I admit, it's too much of a panic and an indelicate overreaction. Even then I'll see to it and make it right. When I'm full of belief, it feels like fire and nothing can stop me. I feel invincible. Now, I ain't killing nobody and you won't catch me committing a crime. I still have sense. But I believe.

That's me. A believer, full of fire. I manage stress by grounding my actions in belief and expelling fear with light.

I ain’t gonna lie, sometimes it's hard to see myself like that. Full of unconsuming fire. Usually, I’d hide all of this away, hoping someone’s searching and finds it. When they’re not—because they’re not— I’d get mad and say, “y'all ain’t trying to see this light anyway.” That was always an easy route to take. It's just as easy to reflect on that interview and think, ”damn, I didn't get that job.” Change nothing about your approach, and apply somewhere else.

But I know I’m here to do the most. So no hiding, no fear of switching it up, no bs. Staying the course and doing the most.

You’re gonna get this light. I LIKE CIRCLES!